Bless your heart - that ain’t eggs Benedict

Bless Your Heart, That Ain’t Benedict

Verse 1
Sunday morning in Savannah,
Church bells in the air,
Spanish moss above the sidewalk,
Brunch tables everywhere.

I said, “Eggs Benedict, please,”
Thought the matter had been said.
Then he smiled and asked me softly,
“How would you like your eggs?”

Choir
How would you like your eggs?

Lead
Poached.

Choir
Poached!

Lead
That’s why I ordered Benedict.

⸻

Chorus
Bless your heart, that ain’t Benedict.
No hollandaise, no muffin underneath it.
You can call it blessed,
You can call it divine,
But gravy on a biscuit
Doesn’t make it Benedict in mine.

Bless your heart,
I mean no disrespect,
But the Lord knows breakfast,
And that ain’t Benedict.

⸻

Verse 2
Then the plate came down before me,
And I knew we’d lost our way:
Country ham and biscuit,
Fried egg, gravy on the tray.

And suddenly I remembered
What we ate on Tuesday night—
Shit on a shingle.
Lord, I knew that plate on sight.

Choir
Shit on a shingle…

Lead
Lord have mercy.

Choir
Shit on a shingle…

Lead
But dressed for Sunday service.

⸻

Chorus
Bless your heart, that ain’t Benedict.
No hollandaise, no muffin underneath it.
You can put it on china,
You can make the silver shine,
But Tuesday-night gravy
Doesn’t suddenly turn divine.

Bless your heart,
I mean no disrespect,
But the Lord knows breakfast,
And that ain’t Benedict.

⸻

Bridge — Preacher and Choir
Lead: Was the egg poached?

Choir: No!

Lead: Was there hollandaise?

Choir: No!

Lead: Was there an English muffin?

Choir: No!

Lead: Then what have we got?

Choir:
A biscuit!
Some gravy!
And a serious problem with the name!

Lead: Pass the plate!

Choir: Pass the plate!

Lead: Pass the biscuits!

Choir: Pass ’em down!

Lead: Pass the Benedict!

Choir:
AIN’T NONE AROUND!

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Quiet Verse
Now Savannah, I still love you,
Your old squares and live oak trees,
But if Benedict is written there,
I’m asking one thing, please:

Poach the egg,
Toast the muffin,
Let that hollandaise descend.

Choir, softly
Amen…

Lead
And keep the sausage gravy
For Tuesday night again.

⸻

Final Chorus — Big Gospel Build
Bless your heart, that ain’t Benedict.
No matter how sincerely you presented it.
You can bless the cook,
You can bless the plate,
But Benedict has scripture
And we cannot deviate.

Bless your heart,
Let the congregation testify:

Choir:
Poached egg!
English muffin!
Hollandaise!

Lead:
Now that’s Benedict.

Choir:
AMEN!

Spoken Tag
“How would you like your eggs?”

Poached, darlin’.

We’ve been over this.